Ask me anything
Sometimes life is difficult. Everything seems to close up around you and the small room you are sitting in fills with metaphorical water. It reaches up and around your face until it flows into your mouth and drowns you.
Recently I took a leap to fulfill my dreams. I have always been told that you don’t regret the major leaps you take. That those are the moments that will keep you warm in the cold days of disappointment. This hasn’t exactly rung true.
As time goes on, I get closer and closer to the date that I will be evicted from my home because I haven’t made any money and haven’t been able to pay my rent. I had a meeting with an agent today that was cancelled, luckily I hadn’t gotten on the bus yet to go to Montreal.
I am not sure if following my dream was worth it. If throwing away the solid income and structure of my previous job was a good idea. Should I give up on my dreams? Should I stop gunning for what I want and relegate myself to a life of menial work? I don’t believe in god or an afterlife. So where does that leave me?
I’m still not sure.
When I realize that I don’t understand tumblr.
So I figure, since no one I know in real life really checks out what I’m doing here I am safe to air my thoughts on this subject. A pre warning. This is going to be a bit of a pissy post. You have been warned.
I run a company here in Ottawa called The Loudest geeks in the Room. We do podcasts and videos and all sorts of fun nerdy things. In fact we threw an event on Tuesday of last week. Out of 400+ people invited, less than 40 showed up. This strikes me as not very awesome. Not only that, but out of my entire friend’s list of about 200 only 5 have listened to even a minute of what I do.
5 of my real life friends have listened to my podcasts. That is an astronomically small number. So I ask myself, why am I sticking around in an unsupportive environment? What drives me to stick around a place where no one hears me speak? I don’t have an answer but I have theories.
1. I am too afraid to move to a different city and start over due to the fact that I’m almost thirty and starting over is incredibly daunting.
2. I have family here one of which is my Grandmother who is 90 something and me leaving now would mean that I would have to come back for the eventual funeral and feel terrible not seeing her in her last days.
3. I like to do things the hard way and the challenge is what drives me.
4. I don’t actually want to succeed.
I don’t think that most of these are completely true, but I do think that some of them are. Now I know it is unfair to ask for opinions to people who don’t know me. For all you know I am a boil infested, troll that takes showers in feces and scrubs my hair with pus. But what advice do you have for me internet?
So today is the big day, La Carnivale de Geek is kicking off and it’s gunna be awesome. If you are in Ottawa and over 19 come check us out, we will be at Maxwell’s Bistro 340 Elgin St. It starts at 8pm
Sorry littluns it’s a 19+ event